Thank you...

Only a few more days left in 2010. How fucking crazy is that. Next year I'll be applying to grad schools, living up my senior year, and getting ready to move on. What a whorl wind this year has been. I'd just like to send out a thank you to everyone who has helped me, from the little things like making me laugh to the big stuff like supporting me in my career change. I really have no idea how I would of made it through these past couple years without my friends and family. This is all sounding very generic and superficial but I dont think I could be any more sincere. At times its be so difficult I can barely think, but then someone comes around and changes it for me, and for that I'll always be thankful.


Nothing but love,

Wojo

New Years Resolutions

So that time is upon us, new years. Time to make resolutions I'll forget in a week!


I dont know why I insist on making them when I know I dont follow them, wishful thinking maybe? If I put it down, then the resolutions have to come true right? haha


Well here is a list. Whether these resolutions are kept or not, I think they need to be said.


1. Work on grades.... lets not talk about it.
2. Have fucking fun... might conflict with number 1.
3. Start looking and applying to Grad Schools/Take the GRE...UGH!
4. Become a better friend to people... I'm so lucky to have great friends and I need to show them my appreciate more.
5. Balance all the things I have going on at school...
6. Continue to let the past go... the future is bright and exciting.
7. One thats always on my list... start working out/eating healthier... right...
8. Work with what I got.
9. Start writing more poetry.
and just to make it even...
10. Continue to collect books :)


Does anyone acutally make resolutions anymore? If so what are some of them? Do you keep them?

Change

Woowww... it's been like a month since I've blogged...

Well I think the reason why is because October was such a great month
Homecoming, 21st, 2nd 21st, Function... Weekends were filled with fun adventures that only my suite mates can relate to. :)

My life has been such a haze these past few months. So many changes have occurred and I've finally learned to enjoy them. I use to fear change. Fears not the word...umm terrified might be the right word. I was so afraid of change then once it happened, I finally stopped the obsessive avoidance and thrived in it. From my room, to my class schedule, to my career choice, everything changed all at once; my new obsession was to rid my life of anything from the past. I think it worked. Along with this change came a strange sense of confidence, which to me seems illogical. Once everything changes, I should freak out and become lost in the new world I've been brought in to, but the opposite is true. It was finally when my life clicked into place. I feel comfortable where I am right now and though I wish I could just know the future, and I'm still slightly afraid of change, I am enjoying the life I'm living now. I'm trying to avoid growing up too quickly and stop and take everything in.

That's one thing I wish I could tell everyone. Stop. Breathe. Look around. Take it in. Life is a beautiful, enriching, series of experiences.


Nothing but Love
Wojo

Sorry I've neglected you...

What? Sarah you still have a blog?....

Ha Yes, I do, sorry I've neglected you darling blog, school,work,friends, and other fun things have gotten in my way :)

So this a tease really because I have no profound thought at the moment, or at least I dont have the time or mental ability to put it into words so instead I figured I would put up some poetry from this summer. Side note: if you happened to read my blog about how I only feel creative when I'm sad, it has come back. I dont know if I just dont have time to sit down and write some poetry but the lack of sadness in my life and the abundance of happiness has hindered my ability to write....

Oh well...


Fight
Ceridian waves consume my soul, my being
Take a hold on my body that cant be released.
The feeling tightening as I fight back.
The pressure is building up inside me
Forcing an explosion,
A bomb on my heart
Ticking away as I struggle.
Counting down till final blow.
Its inevitable
Yet I fight back,
Fight for survival.
Fight for life.
Fight for my heart.
I will always fight back.


Girl You've Been Looking For
You’re never going to find the girl,
That girl you’ve been looking for.
With the long black hair and eyes a shade of sky blue
You’re never going to find that girl,
The girl you’ve been looking for.
With a perfect smile and a passion the same as you
You’re never going to find that girl,
The girl you’ve been looking for.
With an unconditional love and acceptance of you
You’re never going to find that girl,
The girl you’ve been looking for.
She’s locked away in your imagination
With no chance of escape
From your sick, disastrous world.
You’re never going to find that girl
…The girl you’ve been looking for.

Inception inspired poem

New poem inspired by Inception hehe

~Nothing but Love

Adding up the Damage

An idea consumes your mind

Making you believe in its truth

Pushing you deeper, it starts its feed

Feeding on all your held beliefs

Till there are none left

Infecting you

Overtaking you

Resting within you

Tricks you into believing this is where all is right

As you succumb to the infection, this dream world appears

This idea takes you into the dream world

Living life as you think it should be lived

You stay in this new, wonder-filled world.

Forgetting what’s true

Until you see it…

A small projection of what you use to know

It sends shivers and spasms throughout your body

The truth comes flooding back

Like water from Katrina

You want to

Need to

Escape

The damage is irreparable

Irreversible

Forever left with the damage

B-log-ing

Wowwwww, I haven't written in ages. 1. I was on vacation 2. I'm writing more poetry 3. I've had busy weekends filled with Chicago fun 4. I'm getting into new shoes 5. umm I've ran out of excuses?! Sorrrrrry blog :( I'll make it up to you eventually

Ok... here is a little snippet

Correlations between creativity and emotions


Correlations between creativity (which I know is a subjective term) and emotions. In my experience the more pain I feel the more creative I am. Sometimes effortlessly. The words and thoughts come pouring out and I love it. I think it's a beautiful thing. I think its because when you are not in pain, you don't reflect as much. You go about your day not worrying what will come next because you are happy with the way things are now. When I'm upset I ponder and freely let my mind wander down whichever avenue it wants. I let the thoughts come and go as they please, not worried about anything but me!

I love my creative juices. What I write or think might not be genius, award winning work, but at the time, it feels beautiful. I sit back, take a deep breath, and whatever is in my mind I let come out. This is an amazing process, someone sort of like a drug for me. Not only does it soothe me, but it makes me want more, which makes me feel deeper.

The only problem with this process, for me, is that in the past it has never worked when I am 100% satisfied with my life. When I'm comfortable, I'm boring. My work sucks, and I have no need to put forth any effort. Does anyone else ever feel this way? "Why can't I be creative now?" is the thought that always floods my mind.

Is it because happy things dont make good subject matters? The apparently don't for me. Whenever I try to write when I'm happy everything comes out trivial and lame. I always say "No one ever wants to talk about how good things are" As much as people say they hate the news for always showing the bad things that are happening they have to realize that if that was the majority opinion then newspapers wouldn't sell. Or if they did sell, they would only be filled with good things. Car bombings, people getting arrested? This is what sells, not something like how well a company is doing. Now of course I can't argue that all works that contain happy subject matters suck, of course not, but a story, for me, is more compelling when someone struggles. Sure at the end they can end up on top and that would be great, but to hear the tragedies of others, that's what drives us....


More coming later

Nothing but love

Pleasing people: Admirable trait or future downfall?

“It’s better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.” ~Sophia Loren

I found this quote recently and it about summed up all my current thoughts.



Recently I’ve been evaluating my life, what I have/haven’t done, what I want to do/don’t want to do and I’ve come to a revelation: Within my life there are very few if any experiences that I’ve said “Sarah, that was probably the wrong decision.” I’m not saying I’ve always made perfect choices, but I have always done, for the most part, the “right” thing. This is great right? Well after thinking about it I realized why I always made the “right, responsible” choice; it was because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I’m a people pleaser. To have someone look at with and think “What is she doing?” kills me. Being conscious of other people is great, but when you’ve taken other peoples opinions in too much, it’s a little disheartening. I’m not saying I want to go out and become a disappointment or make bad decisions, but I have been thinking about focusing more on what I want at that moment in time. Staying up all night, watching trashy shows, even though I have work early the next morning? Sounds great! Of course I know with “living in the moment” comes with future consequences but I think I’m finally ready to accept them.

I’m in the mood for some change! Yes… I said change. Normally a dirty little word that I dreaded in my vocabulary, now something I’m ready to accept, at least for a little bit. I’m ready to do things on impulse, give up a little responsibility, take a breath, and enjoy the life I’m living now. I know this is a little backwards. “Weren’t you supposed to have need back in high school?” Probably, but I was, again, too concerned with what people would think. I’m ready to give up that self-consciousness and do what I want! It’s such a liberating experience. Now I know I wont be able to give up all my responsible characteristics but I'm looking forward to this new adventuresome future!

Look forward to future stories!

Have any of you ever had similar thoughts? Do you always play it a little too safe? Or is it the opposite and you think I'm crazy for doing this? Let me know

Always remember: Nothing but love!

Love and friendships

Losing A Best Friend

Most people love to think that even though a relationship ends, the friendships stays. But we all know that this isn't always true. Maybe eventually, a friendship will be able to form again, but it's hard to go from romantic relationship to friendship without one or both people thinking the friendship is more or less that it is.

So my question is, do you think that your significant other should be your best friend? If asked before recent events, I would of said without a doubt, yes! But thinking back, making that person your new best friends also may result in losing of your other friends. Another factor is what happens when that romantic relationship ends? You are not only losing a romantic partner but your best friend. Which to me, is almost worst than the romantic partner. That person you call when great and terrible things happen, the person you have gotten in the habit of telling everything to all of a sudden ends. Its a shock. I've lucky never experienced a horrible friendship break up, but I wonder if it feels the same as breaking up with a significant other who was also your best friend.

Is having your boyfriend/girlfriend as your number one friend worth the hurt of maybe losing your best friend? Or is it even possible to have a great romantic relationship without that deep, true friendship? I'm so torn on the subject. It's hard for me to imagine a long lasting relationship without a deep friendship, but I hate losing best friends because the relationship didn't work. But isn't that one of the great things about relationships? Always having a best friend there for you? I'd really be interested in hearing what people have to say.

Also, can you truly go from a deep romantic relationship to just friends? Its a horrible thing to think about. Being such great friends with a person and to have all that go away just because the relationship ended? It's awful. But is it possible to be just friends with an ex? Will all those romantic feelings just magically go away?

Just some random thoughts for now, leave a comment and tell me how you feel! I'd love to know!

Until next time,
Nothing but love

Poetry to my soul

So just to mix it up a little, I thought I'd include some of my poetry on here. It's nothing special, more cathartic than anything. Enjoy

The Journey of a Broken Heart

A heart breaks and so many feelings are felt.

Love, anger, sorrow, disappointment.

The emotions you can’t control; that come streaming out of you at any moment.

A memory, a look, a familiar road, all trigger these emotions.

One minute you’re fine, enjoying the beautiful, wonderful new world you’ve been brought into.

A world where you can be free and return to yourself.

The person you use to be.

The next, your crying tears of hate and sadness; tears that never seem to stop.

Tears then when put under a microscope could explain so much.

So much hurt and reject that it takes over the scope, enveloping you within it.

Lives that were twisted together so tight, it was hard to see the difference

Now are lying on the floor, wrenched and ragged and utterly exhausted.

Then one moves.

It slowly, but surely moves on, while the other is left lying dead.

So broken that it never knows if it can be repaired.

Left to stay in that state till something has enough heart to fix it.

When that miracle comes along, don’t let go of it.

Cherish and embrace it.

Praise it for its heart and strength

Then get back to it, and be yourself again.

Remember the past as only a memory, neither great nor horrible

Just something that happened that gave you the experiences you had today.

The feeling of moving on will surely come to you too

And when it does, live in it.

Young Girl

Lost wondering a young girl looks for help
But her small, contained world sees no end
No sign to show her safety
Of what she fears
Wanting to speak, but no words can escape
That hold placed here
Regret, that’s all she feels
For the choices that lead her here
World titled around, like a snowglobe
That contains her
Trying to break the glass, but to no avail
Round and round she goes
Playing with her tears
Falls upon an answer
But skins her knee
There is always something she must give
To find her peace
Some blood
A friend
Anything she can mistreat
Wondering where her life has gone, she sits an ponders in the snow
Reminiscing about the times when she would glow
Shaken up in this trap of solitude
Fearing the worst, she thinks it through in her head
The consequences of these thoughts scare her
But the thought of her not, scares her more
We will never know what will become of her
She has gone away
To find an adventure
One she doesn’t fear.

Hope doesnt wait

You get my hopes up
You lead me astray
You’ll say ill be there for you
Then one day
Gone
Don’t give me false hopes
Your leading me on
This harmless game your playing
Just wont work
I’m over the nights where I sit by my computer and wait
I see you having fun
Enjoying you time
As you let the clock tick
Past the time
The time where you promised you’d be there for me
The time you said you’d sure be there
I cant stand this feeling you know
Its drives me crazy from my head to my toes
Im through waiting
Never again will I
Never again…will I wait for you.

Honesty: Truth, Lies, and Liberation

Why Hello again!

Do people actually read this? Meh I guess its not really for you guys anyways! :) haha

Well lets see this weeks topic: Honesty

I'm reading Maya Angelou's Letters To My Daughters (great book by the way). Well in it, she discusses many important little life lessons and one that stuck with me was the one about the truth. She gives an example in her book where she states that no one really expects a true response from the question "How are you?" They expect the generic "I'm fine, and you?" Dr. Angelou says "I wish we could stop the little lies. I dont mean that one has to be brutally frank. I don't believe that we should be brutal about anything, however, it is wonderfully liberating to be honest"

These words hit home for me. Within the past couple years, I've come to realize that one trait I strong value is honesty. I don't care if the truth hurts, I want to know it. It saves me time wondering, is this what s/he really means or is there something else behind it? I'm sick of playing games, and I'm tired of those people who think they are fun. They aren't! I've never been a fan of games, board games or otherwise, and I don't want to start now. You like me? Tell me! You think that I'm fake? Just let me know if you must! I value those who tell me the truth, even if it hurts, more than those who are nice and fake to me. Like Dr. Angelou said, its wonderfully liberating to be honest. Now of course, I'm not perfect, so I cant state that I never lie, but I really try to avoid it.

These past couple of years I have learned how lies can hurt and how one lie turns into another and another. I've always had trust issues, mainly in my relationships with boyfriends. I don't know where this has stemmed from. I haven't had one of those horrific experiences where I've been lied to for years but I have felt the hurt of lies. Lies because they didn't want me to be mad. Lies because they didn't want to hurt me. Lies because they didn't care about me. These are the types of the lies that hurt the most. I don't think anyone truly knows the repercussions of they're lie. How many people it effects.

So just try it. Try being honest with someone. Again, this doesn't mean you have to be rude, but tell it like it is. You don't like the way someone does something? Tell them. You want to tell someone they are wrong? Do it! But do it in a way that isn't harsh, but doesn't conceal the truth. It feels great.

Truth takes courage, which is another thing Dr. Angelou thinks everyone should have. You can do anything with courage; pair that with honesty and nothing can stop you.

Till Next Time:
Nothing but love

Sacrifice

Hello,
Another blog Subject: Sacrifice
I'm writing a new credo for one of my classes and one subject I tackle is sacrifices and the point of them. Here is a little of what I said: " I think it’s hard for Americans to realize that we really cant have it all and in those rare occasions when we do, it doesn’t last too long. Realizing this made me put my priorities in check. Yes, of course I’d want to have more money, but with more money comes more work and with more work there is less time to do what I love, like being with my family and friends. While this need of sacrifice doesn’t particularly make me happy, I can’t deny that it exists. I’d love for everything to be constantly perfect in my live, without the need to sacrifice something, but realistically, life isn’t that way."

I also wrote about human suffering :
" The whole idea of a whole population suffering for no apparent reason shocked me. It also made me realize that this sort of suffering doesn’t just happen in fiction; there are real life examples like Hurricane Katrina, Haiti and a million more. This got me thinking about the big picture and reason why these things happen. Why do good people suffer? This year has brought some personal examples of this very question. I found myself trying to find some sort of rational behind it, but I don’t think it is that simple. The only one logical reason I can think of that justifies human suffering is the ability to learn from that situation. I’m a big believer in learning from your experiences, but I also understand how hard it is to reason with suggestion that the only reason for human suffering is to learn from it."

Both of these subjects have made me recently reevaluate my life, priorities, and values. Of course there is that old saying "Everything happens for a reason" but has anyone really found comfort in this? Knowing everything is happening for a reason and not knowing doesnt settle well with me. These past two years of college has helped me grow immensely, I've had to deal with situations and people I've never had to deal with before. While I'd like to say that I've stayed strong throughout these experiences and learned the meaning of suffering and sacrifice, I dont think I've still fully grasped those concepts.

I'm the type of person who wants to be strong. I want to handle everything and be in control but some life lessons have taught me this isnt possible. You cant be strong all the time and thats when you must lean on those who TRULY care about you. Those who have always been there, the ones who ask, support, and offer advice. I've learned that these are the people I want in my life. Not people who are fake, lie, or who dont have a genuine interest in your life. I need a support team, not a team of fake friends. While this has been a hard concept for me to be "ok" with, I'm working at it.I truly appericate everyone I have in my life. I have the best friends in the world and dont deserve them. There was a quote that I really like, "Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world" It's true, I wish I could just believe it whole heartedly ha!

I cant believe that I'll be a junior in college. Time has truly flow by and Im so fortunate to experience all that I have. I'm excited to see what the next chapter of my life looks likes

Nothing but love,
Wojo

Cheating

Hello All!

So I figured if I want to become a writer I should start...um writing! So here I will deliver my daily(er weekly) thoughts or experiences.

So lets dive in,

One subject I've been wrestling with lately is cheating. Now I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) but for some reason that is the one thing that terrifies me. I feel like I'm constantly looking for it, whether it's in my relationship or in others. I guess you could blame it on insecurities but I think it goes deeper than that. One really cant deny the coloration between celebrities cheating and my renewed interest in the subject. Every other day there is some celebrity guy cheating on his beautiful wife/girlfriend. Do they cheat because they know they can? Are they lonely? Are they plain douchebags? I guess it's not a one size fits all kind of thing but there must be an underlying cause. The basis of cheating usually has nothing to do with just a plain physical attraction to another person. Theres more to it, sometimes cheaters are lacking attention, maybe they suppose their partner is cheating, who knows. But could you ever say that there is ever a time when cheating is ok? Does knowing the relationship is going to end give the "ok" to cheat? From speaking with my friends about it, I think the general consensus is that if you want to be with another person, break up with who you're with. But does that make it any easier? Knowing you're being broken up with because your partner wants to be with someone else. I think thats the hardest part about being cheated on (again, I can't speak from personal experience) is not the fact that they think someone else is more attractive, but the fact that they dont care about you enough to not cheat. They dont have enough respect for the person to not cheat. Also, when do you think a person is most likely to cheat, when they havent been dating that long or when they are in a long term relationship? I think there are arguments for both sides. In a new relationship, sure things are good in the honeymoon phase but you also dont know that person as well, again might have less respect for them. In a long term relationship, they are getting bored and care about the person too much to break it off for good?

Now of course, these are just questions to get you thinking. I obviously hate cheating, but I think it's a fascinating subject. Feel free to leave comments about your thoughts on the subject.

Till next time,
Nothing but love